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    Movie quotes


    The X-Files TV Series (1993-2002)


    Mulder: I would never lie. I willfully participated in a campaign of misinformation.


    (after a conversation with an aggressively attractive woman)

    Mulder: I was merely extending her a professional courtesy.
    Scully: Oh is that what you were extending?


    Scully: Good morning.

    Mulder: Whatever tape you found in that VCR, it isn't mine.

    Scully: Good, because I put it back in that drawer with all those other videos that aren't yours.


    Scully: After all those seeds, I bet your tongue is the strongest muscle in your body.


    Sheriff Daniels: Ninety-nine percent of the people in this world are fools ... and the rest of us are in great danger of contagion.


    Mulder: I'm going to find Trepkos.

    Scully: What if he's already dead?

    Mulder: Then he'll have a lot of trouble answering my questions.


    Byers: Langly couldn't join us. He has a philosophical aversion to having his image bounced off a satellite.(about skype conversation)

    Dr. Blockhead: Did you know that through the protective Chinese practice of Tiea Bu Shan, you can train your testicles to draw up into your abdomen?

    Mulder: Oh, I'm doing that as we speak.


    Dana Scully: Mr. Swaim, we're here to question you about some recent murders.

    Dr. Blockhead: I don't answer any questions until I talk to my lawyer.

    Mulder: Who's your lawyer?

    Dr. Blockhead: I represent myself.


    Scully: Have you ever had any dealings with a cow?

    Mulder: Agent Scully, just exactly WHAT are you implying?


    ALBERT HOSTEEN: There is an ancient Indian saying that something lives only as long as the last person who remembers it. My people have come to trust memory over history. Memory, like fire, is radiant and immutable while history serves only those who seek to control it, those who douse the flame of memory in order to put out the dangerous fire of truth. Beware these men for they are dangerous themselves and unwise. Their false history is written in the blood of those who might remember and of those who seek the truth.

    Mulder: Be honest, Scully, doesn't that propane tank bear more than a light resemblance to a little, fat, white Nazi storm trooper?

    Dana Scully: Mulder, the human mind naturally seeks meaningful patterns in things that don't inherently have any. Given the suggestion of a particular image, you can't help but see that shape somewhere. If that tank weren't there, you'd see it in a rock or in a tree...

    Mulder: Did you answer my question?

    Dana Scully: Yes, it looks like a fat, white, Nazi storm trooper, but that only proves my point.


    Mulder: Ok, but imagine if it was true, Scully. Imagine if you can come back [from the dead] and take out five people, who caused you to suffer. Who whould they be?

    Scully: I only get five?

    Mulder: [looks up at her] I've remembered your birthday this year, didn't I, Scully?


    Mulder: I think you'd better get up here.

    Scully: What happened?

    Mulder: It appears that cockroaches are mortally attacking people.

    Scully: I'm not going to ask you if you just said what I think you just said, because I know it's what you just said.

    Mulder: I had a praying mantis epiphany and, as a result, I screamed. No, not... not a girlie scream, but the scream of someone being confronted by some before unknown monster that had no right existing on the same planet I inhabited. Did you ever notice how a praying mantis' head resembles an alien's head? I mean, the mysteries of the natural world were revealed to me that day, but instead of being astounded, I was... repulsed.

    Scully: Mulder... are you sure it wasn't a girlie scream?


    MULDER: I see the correlation, but just because I work for the federal government doesn't mean I'm an expert on cockroaches.


    MULDER: Scully, if an alien civilization were technologically advanced enough to build and send artificially intelligent robotic probes to the farthest reaches of space, might they not have also been able to perfect the extraction of methane fuel from manure? An abundant and replenishing energy source filled on a planet with dung-producing creatures.

    Scully: Mulder, I think you’ve been in this town too long.


    Scully: Nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it.


    The Cigarette Smoking Man: The fiercest enemy is the man who has nothing left to lose.


    Mulder:Can you hink of anyone who might have held the grudge.( against a Jew)

    Аntisemite: I can’t thunk of anyone who didn’t.

    Mulder:Did you?

    Аntisemite: Why? I am not under any kind of suspicion, am I?

    Scully: No, not directly, but these young men are. And we have reason to believe that you know them. Their names are Derrick Wayenes and Clynton McGwyer.

    Аntisemite: I am sure I am not familiar with them.

    Mulder:Are you familiar with this? We think those kids are familiar with it. ("How AIDS was created by the Jew” leaflet) Enough to incite them to the murder of Isaak Luria.

    Аntisemite: You work for them too, don’t you?


    Аntisemite:  You know who. You look like you might be one yourself.

    Scully: We work for the FBI, sir.

    Аntisemite:   Who does the FBI work for? That’s right, you call me paranoic, that’s exactly what they want you to do. But there is one thing you can’t call me, and that is a Zionist collaborator.

    Scully: You take a long look at these photos.lt may be your last chance to save their lives.

    One of their accomplices, Tony Oliver, was found murdered this morning.

    Аntisemite:   - Why tell me this?

    Scully:- You haven't heard the rumors?

    Аntisemite:- What rumors?

    Scully:-That Luria is back from the dead. That he's risen from his grave.

    Аntisemite:What kind of Jew trick is this?

    Mulder:A Jew pulled it off 2,000 years ago.


    Scully: I, uh... actually, I was thinking about the- this gift that you gave me for my birthday. (takes out the Apollo 11 pendant/keychain and looks at it) You never got to tell me why you gave it to me or what it means. But I think I know. I think that you appreciate that there are extraordinary men and women and extraordinary moments when history leaps forward on the backs of these individuals. That what can be imagined can be achieved. That you must dare to dream, but that there's no substitute for perseverance and hard work. And teamwork, because no one gets there alone. And while we commemorate the greatness of these events and the individuals who achieved them, we cannot forget the sacrifice of those who make these achievements and leaps possible.

    Mulder: ...I just thought it was a pretty cool keychain



    Mulder: If Lucas Menand never gets hit by that bus, his complaint gets heard before the grand committee, Jason Nichols loses his funding and he never gets to collaborate on his research with Dr. Yonechi. Therefore, this photograph never gets taken because this celebration never happens.

    Scully: ...And if your sister is your aunt and your mother marries your uncle, you'd be your own grandpa!

    Mulder: (a decaying body just fell out of the ceiling) You think the fall killed him?

    Mulder: Please tell me you're here with severe chest pains.

    Cigarette Smoking Man: I'm here tonight as a friend, Agent Mulder.


    Scully: Why'd you come here if you'd already made up your mind?

    Mulder: (smiling) Because I knew you'd talk me out of it if you thought I'd made a mistake.


    Scully: You'll be in my prayers

    Mulder: Have your father say a few Hail Mulders for me.

    Scully: My instinct says that burial in cement is murder...

    MULDER: Wouldn't it make sense that evolution or natural selection would incorporate cancer - the greatest health threat to our species as part of our genetic makeup?

    SCULLY: Why do I think that Charles Darwin is rolling in his grave right now.


    MULDER: How deep is it here?

    BRUCE BEARFELD: Fifty, sixty maybe. Have you worked at this depth before?

    MULDER: Not exactly.

    BRUCE BEARFELD: What exactly is your experience?

    MULDER: Once, I, uh... I got a quarter off of the deep end at the "Y" pool.


    SCULLY: You're the father of five children Mr Van Blundht. Is that not news to you? Do you have any insight into how five women came to be inseminated with your sperm?

    EDDIE: You make it sound so romantic.


    CIGARETTE SMOKING MAN: I'm not here to answer your questions.

    SKINNER: You murdered him! You killed an officer of the law!

    CIGARETTE SMOKING MAN: I suggest you keep your voice down, Mr. Skinner, unless you want your neighbors to know the hours and the company you keep.


    Dana Scully: What are you doing?

    Fox Mulder: Trying to ignore you.


    Fox Mulder: [examining the Deputy's wound] Unfortunately though, Deputy, you've been bitten. The skin is broken. Werewolf law pretty much universally holds, that someone who's been bitten by such a creature is gonna become such a creature himself, so...

    Deputy Keith Wetzel: Now, wait a minute! I mean... that's not what really happened, though.

    Fox Mulder: I'm sorry, but you gonna have to be isolated and kept under guard.

    Sgt. Paula Duthie: [glaring at Mulder] With all due respect, what the *bleep* are you talking about?

    Fox Mulder: I'm talking about preventing this man from becoming a danger to himself and to others.

    Sgt. Paula Duthie: Can I see your badge again?


    Fox Mulder: Just remember boys, this is America. Just because you get more votes it doesn't mean you win.


    Mulder: [leaving the room to go under cover] If you don't hear from me by midnight... Feed my fish...


    Krycek: You must be losing it, Mulder. I can beat you with one hand.

    Mulder: Isn't that how you like to beat yourself?

    [Krycek cocks gun]

    Mulder: If those were my last words, I can do better.


    Scully: No... I don't think it's witchcraft or sorcery. I've looked around and I don't see any evidence of anything that warrants that kind of suspicion.

    Mulder: Well, maybe you don't know what you're looking for.

    Scully: Like evidence of conjury or the black arts? Or shamanism, divination, Wicca, or any kind of pagan or neo-pagan practice? Charms, cards, familiars, blood-stones, or hex signs, or any kind of the ritual tableau associated with the occult; Santeria, Voudom, Macumba or any high or low magic...

    Mulder: Scully?

    Scully: Yes?

    Mulder: Marry me.

    Scully: I was hoping for something a little more helpful.


    (Mulder is briefing assembled Marshalls on dealing with Robert Modell)
    Mulder: Okay, look. This is all you need to know. Do not trust this man. Do not talk to him. Do not engage him in conversation. Even if he is unarmed, approach him with extraordinary caution and then only with adequate backup.
    US Marshall: So what's adequate backup?
    Mulder: Adequate backup? Every cop you can lay your hands on.


    (about the Artificial Intelligence)
    Scully: It can interfere with my phone?
    Esther: Give it enough information it'll sue you for palimony.


    Scully: [speaking into a tape recorder] 4:54 p.m. begin autopsy on one white male, age 60, who is arguably having a worse time in Texas than I am...although not by much.

    [She picks up the scalpel provided to her and the blade falls off]

    Scully: Yee-haw.


    Scully: Shouldn't that be my picture next to that headline? Or is that you just having a little fun?
    Mulder: Do I LOOK like I'm having fun, Scully?
    Scully: You look constipated, actually.
    Mulder: That would make sense. I've had my head up my rear end for the last five years.  



    Lie to Me TV-Series (2008)

    Emily Lightman: No, we're not doing this. You just go let Dan in while I finish getting ready and you better not do some covert scientific technique to find out what we're doing or not doing tonight. Promise!

    Cal Lightman: No covert science, I promise.

    [opens front door]

    Cal Lightman: Hi Dan!

    Dan: Hi Dr. Lightman!

    Cal Lightman: Are you going to try and have sex with my daughter tonight?


    Dr. Cal Lightman: Now before I do this, I want you to know that I'm sorry.


    Dr. Cal Lightman: (walking away) I will be back in a minute.

    Dr. Gilliam Foster: You look awful.

    Dr. Cal Lightman: And yet, I feel so much worse


    "ER” TV series 1994-2009

    Romano:They are going to be looking for a sacrificial lamb and I have to tell you, right now you are looking very wooly.


    Romano: Didn't think I had a mother, did you?
    Haleh: Just trying to picture her.


    Romano: The last four letters in American are I Can. (Luka looks lost) Let me put it this way: you cover, I owe you one, you don't, you're fired


    Romano: You're scaring me, Peter, you're not your usual jolly self today. You haven't developed a drug addiction or a drinking problem like the rest of your misfit buddies in the ER, have you?
    Peter: Nope.
    Romano: Give it time

    Kerry: What are all those people doing out there?
    Frank: Sick, I guess.
    Kerry: Thank you for that astute and penetrating observation, Frank

    Mark: Self-pity isn't one of my more attractive characteristics.
    Doug: Don't sell yourself short. You're very good at it.

    Mark: There are no small patients, Carter...
    Dave: What about dwarves?

    Benton:All they want to know if is you killed anybody.
    Carter:What'd you tell them?
    Benton:Just med students.

    Peter: Hey Jackie, you think he(my son) looks like me?
    Jackie: I hope not. He's got enough problems

    Pratt: and women don't know what the hell they want. am I right? I'm right, right? They all want commitment till you give it to them, then they want their freedom. So naturally you oblige, then they accuse you of trying to be with somebody else. I'm telling you, you can't win.
    Carter: Women can be hard to figure out sometimes.
    Pratt: Sometimes?! You know who's got it all figured out I think? Homosexuals.
    {Carter gives him a look}
    No I'm serious just listen to me, look, there's 2 guys living together, toilet seat's always up, channel's always on ESPN, you can drink beers in the bed and leave your cloths on the floor. I'm telling ya, gay cats got it good!
    Carter: Why are you telling me this?
    Pratt: I have no idea....!


    Jerry Markovic: So you say you're sick, you're broke, you're unemployed and uninsured. Yea, sure, come on over.

    Carol: Why are you under the sheet?
    Patient: Because I've been dead for the past 2 days.
    Carol: But you're still suffering from persistant headaches?
    Patient: Oh boy, am I ever.
    Carol: And what brought on these headaches?
    Patient: Death.
    Carol: How you doing Mr. Conley? Still dead?
    Patient: Oh yeah, very. But my head feels much better, though.
    Carol: That's good.


    Helah: The guy in exam 1 just grabbed my boob.
    Abby: What’s his status?
    Helah: He’s gonna die if he tries that again, that’s his status

    Susan: why do nurses wear colors and doctors wear white?
    Carol: because doctors are pure and good

    Susan: (while plastering Carter's leg when he's asleep) Why are we doing this?
    Mark: Because putting his hand in a bucket of water would be juvenile

    Elizabeth complains when Romano asks her to show a reporter around.
    Romano: Look at you, look at me. Who would you rather spend an hour with?
    Elizabeth: You have a point


    Luka: do you have an insect up your anus?
    Abby: its bug up my ass, if your gonna insult me at least get it right

    Carter: Lucy's like...Lucy's like a little sister or something to me.

    Chuny: Ah, you do that with your sister?


    Susan: Is that my good pen? It still works I can't believe that you scoped this out of someone’s stomach.
    Carter: Nope other end.
    Susan: Keep it!


    Carol: Doug you okay?
    Doug: Generally, this has not been a good day.  Specifically... this has not been a good day.


    Benton: Thank you.
    Carter: Excuse me?
    Benton: I said "thank you."
    Carter: I know. I just wanted to hear you say it twice


    Greene: Carter? You and Harper? Something extracurricular happening there?
    Carter: (with a smile) Hmm


    Greene: Henry, teaching point. If she looks like a drunk, smells like a drunk, she is a drunk


    Dr. Romano: Lizzy, when you assume, you make an ass out of 'u' and 'me'. Oh never mind.


    Patient: All my problems started when I met this girl in an after-hours bar. She bit me.
    Dr. Lewis: She bit you where?
    Patient: In the alley outside the club.
    Dr. Lewis: No. Where on your body?
    Patient: My neck. I'm pretty sure she was a vampire.
    Dr. Lewis: That's a hickey.


    Susan: I need a Psych consult. My patient thinks he's a vampire.
    Abby: Count Fred?
    Susan: You know him?
    Abby: Where is he?
    Susan: Exam 2.
    Abby: Is there a nurse in there with him?
    Susan: No. Why?
    Abby: He's a vampire.
    Susan: What? What do you mean?
    Abby: I mean, he drinks people's blood.
    (Abby, Gallant and Susan see Count Fred on the floor drinking with a straw from a pack of blood. He smiles shyly. They watch him in astonishment.)
    Susan: That's nasty!


    (Watching Reverend Ed preaching)

    Weaver: Who let Reverend Ed in?

    Gallant: You know the preacher?

    Weaver: He's a holy pain in the ass. Get rid of him!

    Gallant: Me?

    Weaver: In about 10 minutes he's going to start trying to heal people. It's bad for business.


    (Frank is holding up a Santa suit)

    Frank: Hey, what do you think?

    Abby: I don't know if you're the Santa type, Frank.

    Frank: What, too sexy?


    (On the El platform)
    Drew: If you're a doctor, I want a second opinion.
    Neela: OK. (To Abby) Dr. Lockhart, would you care to give a second opinion?
    Abby: Sure. (To Drew) Your ankle may be broken, and you're a bitch!


    Nurse Malik McGrath: Timmy just told me I was the prettiest Nurse in the ER.

    Frank Martin: Well what do you want? A second opinion?


    Mark Greene: I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I’ve decided to be spontaneous


    [Carol is studying with William]
    Carol Hathaway: [reading] "A man pushes a vacuum cleaner with a force of 70 Newtons at a 45-degree angle, and moves the vacuum cleaner 5 meters. How much work has he done?" Well... let's start with the unlikelihood of a man pushing a vacuum cleaner.


    Abby: Cher's a lovely name... It's just how you spelled it.
    Mrs. Kirk: Just wanted it to be different.
    Abby: O.k. As long as you're aware. (Walks away) Poor Chair. She's doomed.
    Matt: Maybe she'll meet a nice ottoman some day.



    "Moonlighting" (1985)


    David: And then last night, an idea hit me!

    Maddie: Left a bruise, I hope.

    David: Who is the one person out there, who is spreading happiness and joy out there in the world?

    Maddie: Steven Spielberg?

    David: SANTY CLAUS!!


    Maddie Hayes: Addison! You better figure out a way to get me off this train!

    David Addison: Whoa! Lady, I will gladly get you off this train. I will throw you off this train, if necessary, but kindly refrain from any physical act that is not of an erotic nature.


    Agnes DiPesto: Mr. Addison. Here's your ticket.

    David Addison: Thanks again, Agnes.

    Agnes DiPesto: I guess this means you're going away.

    David Addison: Agnes, in all my born days I have never met a person who could put two and two together faster than you.

    Agnes DiPesto: Math was always my strongest subject.


    Maddie: There are no clients... There never have been any clients...There aren't going to be any clients...are there?

    David: I'm not sure I understand the question.

    Maddie: Have you EVER had a client?

    David: What?...You mean at this particular location?


    Maddie: You believe me?

    David: No....But I believe IN you.

    (David goes around the car and climbs into the passenger seat; Maddie stares at him for a long moment, then)

    Maddie: That was a terrific thing to say... What does it mean?

    David: I have no idea.


    Maddie: Just when I think you've gone as low as you can go, you find a basement door!


    Man: You can't just burst in here like that.

    David Addison: Oh yeah? Tell that to the writers.


    Maddie Hayes: "Exactly"'s all in capital letters. What do you think that means?

    David Addison: I think it means exactly what it says.


    Maddie Hayes: Unhand me!

    David Addison: I'll try, but I don't think they'll come off!


    Maddie Hayes: Wipe that stupid grin off your face.

    David Addison: This is the smartest grin I know.


    Maddie Hayes: David, I just don't think...

    David Addison: [interrupting] That's okay, you look good.


    Mortician: This is him, Edward O'Leary. Recognize him?

    Maddie Hayes: I don't know, we never knew him.

    Mortician: Then what did you want to look at the body for?

    Maddie Hayes: What did we want to look at the body for?

    David Addison: We're private detectives. It's what we do.

    Mortician: You wanna look at any others while you're here?

    Maddie Hayes: No thanks. Our limit is one stiff per day.


    David Addison: What about this banquet? I don't want to go.

    Maddie Hayes: We're going. It's very important.

    David Addison: Important for what? Okay, it will give us a chance to fight in public, but what else?

    Maddie Hayes: I wouldn't want you losing any more sleep over me.

    David Addison: Believe me, if and when I ever find myself over you, the last thing I'll be thinking about is sleeping.


    Maddie Hayes: I had no idea.

    David Addison: That's okay. I got lots of 'em. I'll loan you one.


    Maddie Hayes: David! Can I have a minute of your time, please?

    David Addison: Take two, they're small.


    Maddie Hayes: You're an animal!

    David Addison: Exactly.

    Maddie Hayes: And what does that mean?

    David Addison: The male of the species engages in sexual congress no less than forty-six thousand, five hundred and three times from the time he is thirteen until the time he runs out of ammo.

    Maddie Hayes: You know that and you can't remember our zip code?


    David Addison: Why is my client being held at this hour, and why isn't it by me?


    Maddie: That's your trouble, David - you think hot sex cures everything.

    David: Well, it is an effective treatment for localized high blood pressure in males.


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