"Papa, what kind of a robber is a page?”
"It says here that two pages held up the bride’s train.”
"Any big man born round here?” a tourist asked in a condescending tone.
"No,” responded the native. "Best we can do is babies. Different in the city, I suppose.”
Small boy — "I say, Dad, teacher said this morning that the law of gravity kept us on earth. Is that right?”
Father — "Yes, my boy, that is correct.”
Small boy — "Well, how did we get on before that law passed?”
The schoolmistress was giving her class of young pupils a test on a recent natural history lesson.
"Now, Bobby Jones,” she said, "Tell me where the elephant is found.”
The boy hesitated for a moment; then his face lit up. "The elephant, teacher,” he said, "is such a large animal that it is scarcely ever lost.”
An Englishman on a visit to the West decided to go horseback riding. The cowboy who was to attend him asked:
"Do you prefer an English saddle or a Western?”
"What’s the difference?” he asked.
"The Western saddle has a horn,” replied the attendant.
"I don’t think I’ll need a horn,” replied the attendant. "I don’t intend to ride in a heavy traffic.”
An ardent country fellow, picking a bouquet of wild flowers for his girl, was disconcerted to find himself, suddenly, in the same fiels with a large bull of unfriendly appearance which, gazing at him, pawed the ground in a threatening manner. The young man spying a farmer on the other side of a fairly distant fence, shouted,
"Hey, mister, is that bull safe?” The farmer surveyed the situation with a critical eye, spat to one side and called back:
"He is safe as anything.
He spat again and added,
"Can’t say the same about you, though.”
The pupil was asked to paraphrase the sentence: "He was bent on seeing her.” He wrote: "The sight of her doubled him up.”
"There’s nothing like cheerfulness. I admire anyone who sings at his work.”
"How you must love a mosquito!”
A new maid was full of her own importance. She had worked on the Continent and felt superior to the other servants. One day she was telling "below stairs” some of her experiences.
"How do the foreign dishes compare to English ones?” asked one of her audience.
"Oh,” replied the maid, airily,
"they break just the same.”
"What, your son is an undertaker? I thought you said he was a doctor?”
"No, I said he followed the medical profession.”
A Scottish minister was onhis usual rounds when he came across one of his old friends.
"And how has the world been treating you, John?” asked the minister.
"Very seldom!” replied John sadly.