A customer in a cafe asked for a cup of tea without cream. The waitress was upset:
— Sorry, — she said. — We've run out of cream. Would you mind it without milk?
A notice was put on the door of an office: " If you Haven't Anything to Do, Don't Do it Here!"
— I hope you are not afraid of microbes,— apologetically said the paying teller as he cashed the schoolteacher's check with soiled currency.
— Don't worry', said the young lady. — A microbe couldn't live on my salary.
A guest in a Montreal hotel turned on a tap in his bathroom and his hand got scalded. He became very angry and called the manager.
— The faucet with the letter C gives hot water, — he snapped.
— But, sir, — answered the manager calmly, — C is the first letter of CHAUDE — which is HOT in French. You live in Montreal, so you must know.
The guest was very surprised.
— But the other tap is also marked C, — he pleaded.
— Why not? — said the manager. — C stands for COLD. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city.
Presbyterians, after convening in a Scotttish cathedral, were very tired and decided to stretch their legs in the countryside. After a while they came up to an old half-ruined bidge. Being engaged in a highbrow conversation, they didn't notice a DANGER sign.
A villager was going by and shouted them to stop.
— We are from the Presbyterian convention, — they answered proudly.
— I don't care, — explained the villager. — If you make another step, you'll all be Baptists!
А вот анекдот, который вызвает у нас некоторое недоумение. Некоторым он кажется смешным.
— My cousin is with the FBI. They caught him a couple of weeks ago.
A kitchen servant burst into the dining room , shouting that the kitchen was on fire.
—We are all going to die! — he was shouting frantically. — Run, run!
His master decided to have a look before running away. A burning log was lying on the floor near the oven. On the stove was a large bowl, full of water.
— You, stupid fellow, — he said to the servant angrily. — Why haven't you poured the water on the fire?
The servant was very surprised:
— But it is useless, — he explained. — The water is hot!
"Mama,” said little Linda, "do all fairy tales begin with ‘once upon a time’?
"No, darling,” said Mama grimly. "Sometimes they begin, "My love, I will be detained at the office pretty late tonight.”
Paris theatre has found a means of making ladies remove their hats. Before the performance a strip appears on the screen curtain. "The management wishes to spare elderly ladies inconvenience. They are permitted to retain their hats.” There follows a general movement to remove hats.
A successful old lawer tells the following story about the beginning of his professional life:‘I had just installed myself in my office’, he said, ‘had put a phone and prepared myself for my first client who might come along when, through the glass of my door I saw a shadow. Yes, it was doubtless some one to see me. Picture me, then, grabbing the nice, shiny receiver of my new phone and plunging into an imaginary conversation. It ran something like this:
"Yes, Mr. S.,” I was saying as the stranger entered the office. "I’ll attend to that corporation matter for you. Mr. J had me on the phone this morning and wanted me to to settle a damage suit, but I had to put him off, as I was too busy with other cases. But I’ll manage to sandwich your case in between others somehow. Yes. Yes. All right. Goodbye.
‘Being sure, then, that I had duly impressed my prospective client, I hung up the receiver and turned to him
"Excuse me, sir,” the man said. "But I’m from the telephone company. I’ve come to connect your telephone.”